


Don’t Dream It

by FleetSparrow



Series: Arkham Therapy [1]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23957338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetSparrow/pseuds/FleetSparrow
Summary: Report of therapy session from Arkham Asylum Group A.  Joker shares his dream.  Riddler is not amused.
Relationships: Joker (DCU) & Edward Nygma
Series: Arkham Therapy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727167
Kudos: 13





	Don’t Dream It

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 100% actual dream I had, pretty much word for word.
> 
> (Also, yes, all the “Riddles” are correct. Joker just dgaf.)

_ Report from Group A, Therapy Session 1 _

_Doctor Presiding_ : Dr. A. Tanner

_Patients_ :

>Edward Nygma

>Pamela Isley

>Harvey Dent

>Anonymous Patient known as Joker

_Today’s Topic_ : Dreams

_Transcript_ :

Dr. Tanner: Has everyone completed their dream diaries?

[Silence]

Dr. T: Please remember, everything said here is held in the strictest confidence.

[Silence]

Dr. T: Harvey, would you like to start, perhaps?

Harvey Dent: No.

Dr. T: Pamela?

Pamela Isley: No, thank you.

Joker: I’ll go.

Dr. T: Thank you. How did your journaling progress?

J: Well, I ate one page, purely by accident, I assure you. But I have the rest.

Dr. T: Would you mind sharing one of your dreams with us?

J: Sure.

[Sound of shuffling papers]

[Transcriber’s Note: Unlike the rest of Group A, Anonymous Patient k.a. Joker is not given staples.]

J: I don’t dream much, but I have last night’s. Here it is. [Clearing throat]

J: I’m sitting in a relaxed dining room on a couch. Riddler enters. Banter, banter. Ends with him kissing my shoes. Cuban heels, of course.

Edward Nygma: I’d rather pull my tongue out.

Dr. T: Edward, please let him continue.

EN: [Unintelligible grumbling]

J: Riddles begins cooking, which is good because Batkids are coming in. First the blonde, then the quiet one. And, of course, Dick Grayson.

J: Riddles keeps bringing out food while I entertain. At some point, I go to the kitchen. Riddles says, quote, “I don’t know how to cook potatoes.” I reply, quote, “How do you not know how to cook potatoes?”

J: Anyway, we bring desserts and more food to the table. At some point, we all sit down to eat.

J: [In a high-pitched voice] “Thanks, Uncle Joker,” say the Batkids. I look at Riddles and say, “Riddler, you’re an aunt!”

EN: Leave me out of your dreams!

J: End of dream.

[Silence]

Dr. T: Thank you for sharing. That was very brave of you to go first.

J: It was nothing.

Dr. T: Do you mind if I ask you about this dream?

J: Shoot, Doc.

Dr. T: Thank you. What do you think the potatoes represented in your dream?

J: That Eddie doesn’t know how to cook.

Dr. T: Potatoes are a staple food. You were serving many foods. Perhaps there is some anxiety about famine in your dreams.

J: I think the potatoes are just funny.

Dr. T: What about what you said earlier. You mentioned the Batkids. Is that how you think of the Batman’s protégés? Is this reflected in them calling you Uncle?

J: They’re like my own children that I get to terrorize and traumatize for life.

Dr. T: Yes…. You said, “Of course, Dick Grayson.” Why is that an “of course” moment?

J: Everyone knows him. He’s some kind of multiversal constant.

Dr. T: Interesting. One last thing, if I may. Your final statement, “Riddler, you’re an aunt,” what significance does that have for you? Please remember, this is a judgement-free zone.

J: Well, if I’m Uncle Joker, someone needs to be the aunt.

EN: Please stop dreaming about me.

J: He doesn’t have the depth of feeling to be a good aunt.

EN: I swear to GOD!

Dr. T: Edward, please, be calm.

EN: [More grumbling]

Dr. T: Thank you. Now, would anyone else like to share one of their dreams?

J: Personally, Doc, I think you skipped over a very vital thing in my dream.

Dr. T: Yes? What would you like to discuss?

J: You didn’t ask why he was kissing my shoes.

Dr. T: And why do you think he was?

J: Foreplay.

EN: THAT’S IT!

[Sounds of yelling, chairs clattering, and hysterical laughter]

[TN: At this point, patient EN attacked patient J, a fight which required three orderlies to break up.]

Session End


End file.
